Anything Goes

I came home from T-Bird’s last night to find my house on fire. I’m not sure what caused it but it started around the floor furnace. Either the cats knocked something onto it or it just finally blew something. My computer room, the entire hallway, the attic, all burned. The rest of the house has severe smoke and water damage.

But those are just things. Some things that were precious in that house, sentimental value, but nothing more so than my precious cats, all of whom perished, other than Hermione, who stays outside exclusively.

I knew something was wrong when I got home and the entire house was black and when I opened the screen door, black smoke rolled out. Somehow I found the right key and opened the door. I dropped to my knees and began hollering for my precious babies. The smoke was so thick and black, I couldn’t even tell where the fire was, and I couldn’t breath, even at the front door. The wind blew at one point and I started to crawl inside, yelling, and that’s when I saw Smokey. He couldn’t have been more than a foot inside the front door but he was dead.

I knew then that all of them were dead and should have known when the acrid smoke rolled over top of me. I was starting to get burned. The heat was so intense it burned the Christmas lights still on my porch and they dropped down on me. My right hand and my chin are burned and I dug a few Christmas lights out of my hair. My left hand, oddly enough, is frostbitten, as it was the coldest day of the year so far, 17 degrees. Time meant nothing to me and I wandered for two hours without gloves, feet wet, in snow, just in shock.

Luckily, Nate is fine. He was with me and he ran to the neighbor’s and pounded on the door, then, God love his heart, he ran down the street toward the fire department, which is just over the railroad tracks. He seems to be taking this much better than I am. Luckily again, I had washed his clothes and taken them to T-Bird’s to dry. However, I don’t have much.

So, now I deal with recovering what I can and just dealing with burying my precious babies. It is a small consolation knowing that they were probably overcome by fumes early on and did not suffer. It is a small consolation. My computer room is just, well, gone, so I don’t know when I will be back.

Just keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I love you all.           

Gotten a song stuck in your head and wondered if anyone else had that same exact song stuck in their head at the same time?

Or have you ever played a song over and over and over, again and again and again, and ever wondered if someone else was listening to that exact song over and over and over, again and again and again at the same time you were?

Have you ever thought of someone and they call you?

Have you ever called someone and they say, “I was just thinking about you”?

Worse, have you ever gotten sexual thoughts stuck in your head about someone? I don’t mean Johnny Depp or Ty Pennington, although I can’t think of two men I’d RATHER have sexual thoughts about, but someone you know but either haven’t ever been with but maybe felt something with and all of a sudden you can’t banish them from your thoughts.

You see their smile, hear their laughter and your conversations, and the sex is phenomenal? Its the kind of sex you would love to have with that person. The relationship you would love to have with that person and yet it came from no where. There was no catalyst for said fantasy to erupt. No phone call, no e-mail, no meeting, or if there was, it was a mundane transaction that may have happened thousands of times so it wasn’t given much thought.

Do you ever wonder if it’s them? Do you ever wonder if they’re thinking the same thing at the same time? If somehow, something touched off their thoughts about you and you are merely picking up their fantasy? Do you believe in the interconnectedness of us all? Synchronicity?

Many blog posts ago, even before Haloscan, I wrote a post about this very thing called Quantum Physics and Magick (10-14-04 at my old place).

[Editor’s explanation: The theory in that blog post was how subatomic particles are unstable and can "jump" from one place to another without crossing the distance, how they can be in two places at once, and how they can disappear and reappear and be absolutely no where based on the theories of quantum physics. Her comment was based on my question as to whether individuals are able to absorb the errant subatomic particles of others and "read" them, thus gaining emotional knowledge of the individual from whence the subatomic particles originated and as to whether this is an explanation for empathy or emotional intelligence, psychics, etc.]

Luckily, because I had not yet imported Haloscan, a very sweet friend of mine posted a comment, some of you may remember her as Phoebe or Varinbird. She said, “. . . maybe synchroncity is the effect of some of my [subatomic] particles replacing some of your particles (and vice versa), which we then absorb as our own particles, but which carry with them knowledge of the directions we were each heading… altering our trajectories such that our paths become “destined” to cross. . .” This was in response to the fact also that many folks that I know from the Blogosphere started blogging around the same time that I did in May of 2004.

Regardless, it leaves me wondering, if across miles, we can actually “read” one another. When you think of another, when that feeling is so strong, when we excite our electrons and neutrons and protons, and thus, our subatomic particles, do they have that ability to just “beam over” to the person in our thoughts? If we have had contact with that person surely there was an exchange of subatomic particles. When we think of them, do we release a portion of their particles back, taking our thoughts with them?

Sometimes, deep thinking gives me a headache. I guess it’s all a part of blowing out the pipes after wasting away in document review for 10 months.

Anyway, do you ever get someone stuck in your head and don’t know why?

All I hear about are all these cutesy, hot, girl-crush inducing cooks on TV. No, I’m battling my ever increasing waistline and if I want to see a cutesy, hot, girl-crush inducing cook all I have to do is look in the mirror… mmmmkay?

Ladies, Ty Pennington is where it’s at. He’s hawt. He’s buff. He actually works for a living. He likes dogs and small children and doing something for humanity. Move over Rachel Ray and Niglellalella, you got nothin’ on Ty.

***

Talked to Steve this morning and it was a good conversation. I’d tell you what we said but it wouldn’t make any sense to anyone but us. Well, it might make sense if you live in WV and have ever called the radio station about school closings and are aware of the protracted litigation in our great state about ATV safety.

Hold on, I need to go look at Ty Pennington again, without his shirt on… yum, yum, yum

***

My friend Lisa and I had lunch today. Well, she bought me lunch as a late birthday present. Too bad I had to work and her boyfriend is a jerk overprotective cuz I could have sat there and got totally shitfaced with her today. Sadly, we both left sober. She also has the URL here. HI LISA! MUAH! I love ya girl! She’s weird like me. You’d like her.

Gotta go look at Ty again. Did you know he used to model? Yeah, that’s why he looks so sexy swinging a hammer or just, you know, standing there with his rock hard abs and rippling pectorals. Not that I noticed or anything. Ahem.

***

I’m really trying not to be so gloomy. Since January 23^rd is the gloomiest day of the year, I’m trying to ward off the evil gloomies by being not so gloomy. I’m looking at Ty Pennington. No woman in her right mind or even left mind, can be gloomy while looking at Ty Pennington without his shirt on, on a boat, with the sun, sand, and surf. *Tip* If you go to Ty’s website at www.typenningtonstyle.com the shirtless pic is in his journal, not the gallery. Did ya’ll know he used to live in Germany. Mein Gott! So ladies, go ward off the evil gloomies and look at Ty without his shirt on. Or just look at him. He’s hawt.

***

I tried online dating and it just wasn’t for me, again. I specifically put down WITHIN 100 MILES. Obviously, some men don’t know where in the world WV is… *tip* its about 800-1000 miles from Texas, so if you’re from TX and live in TX, chances are, its not within that 100 miles radius I specified. Same thing for Hawaii, Oklahoma, New York, Nevada, California, Maine, Utah, and Florida.

Look, I know that some people don’t realize that WV is an actual state. Some peeps think we’re still a part of VA, the same people who actually believe some Third World ousted prince wants to share his billion dollar fortune with them, but even if you still believe WV did not tell VA and the rest of the southern states to go fuck themselves during the Civil War and hasn’t been a bona fide member of the United States of America since 1863 (I know, just seems like yesterday), then I’m thinkin’ your still believin’ we’re a part of Virginia, which is fine, but still doesn’t explain why you believe Virginia is within a 100 miles of Texas or Oklahoma or Hawaii for fuck’s sake, or Utah, California, Nevada, New York, or Maine.

Yeah. I’m gonna go look at Ty again, even if he does live in California.

As my time in purgatory draws to a close, I have turned my attention back to writing. Not business profiles, but the variety of compelling storylines and hot sex. I have researched a few more publishing houses and I am … cautiously optimistic, but when am I not?

However, in reviewing my finished novella, it is again in need of an overhaul, not by much, but it could be better. It can always be better. The other needs to be finished, desperately. I still have your names in a file somewhere, those of you who promised so long ago to critique said literary masterpiece… *snort*

I read an article by Alice Hoffman, writer of “Practical Magic” and other well known novels, wherein she said, (paraphrased) – Like the people in our dreams are said to represent a different part of ourselves, so are the characters we write an extension of our personalities, a slice of who we are.

Oh yes, and it could not be more evident when one goes back and re-reads an old piece of fiction, only to find pieces of ourselves, shed like a snake’s skin, but still with all the poison. Yes, yes, like cicadas digging up from the ground, crawling, attaching, emerging, glowing, dying, leaving behind empty husks. So is reading old fiction and finding parts of yourself that you thought were dead.

It was depressing as I recognized old hurts and old yearnings, even more depressing when I realized that in fiction, I may write the happy ending. It’s the formula in romance, even erotic romance – happy ending – must have happy ending. In my real life, there aren’t really happy endings, not even a happy continuum.

I did download a mid-length novel to read. It had a “spicy/carnal” rating. I figured mine would fall somewhere in “spicy.” Ummm, no. My rating would definitely be “carnal,” the hottest of hot, especially since I had forgotten that “mild BDSM, tie you down, make you scream in ecstasy” part. Yes, that garners a “carnal” rating.

Honestly, the beginning storyline, while not ridiculous or unbelievable, was poorly executed. The amount of time it took the heroine to figure out what I figured out in the first chapter, was indeed, ridiculous. Then the storyline did morph into something unbelievable and melodramatic, far beyond what one would expect. I was disappointed and at once glad I had ordered two paperbacks of novella length stories to read in addition to the one I downloaded.

And one steamy sex scene. One. What the fuck? For real? This is erotica peeps! Did I pick the absolute worst novel to read out of the bunch? Where’s the tension? A bunch of innuendoes that go completely over the heroine’s head? Where’s the conflict? Full of conflict here, but not between the heroine and the hero until much later, and then its so short-lived there’s no nail biting or wondering what will happen. UGH!!

Oh look, writer turned critic.

Not meaning to pat myself on the back, and maybe because it is indeed so close to me that I can’t see the forest for the trees, but the sexual tension, the heartache, the conflict, is so palpable in my novella, hell, it made me cry when I re-read it and I’m the one who fucking wrote it. Yeah, I’m too close to it. Can’t see the flaws for the sentences.

I lived the emotions, sort of. I placed my heroine in a place I had never really been, but have been, just in a different way. And the ending, oh, could not be more different than real life… tied up, neat, issues resolved, living happily ever after. It must be fiction.

What a shame for a loving heart to become so cynical.

You expect your diary, poetry even, to be full of ghosts. I, however, did not expect to find some many dead slivers of myself in my fiction. Nor did I realize how cynical I had become. Smile darlings. In 16 days I shall be free of one purgatory, let us all hope its a fresh start to release myself from others.

Nate and I were coming home the other evening when I saw an interesting license plate:

AN-T-VENM.

Yeah, on a Corvette. This has thoroughly vexed me because it was on a Corvette, not a Spyder or a Cobra… perhaps it was a diss, perhaps the Floridian driving said auto made anti-venom in his Corvette, dunno.

And then I stole this survey from my best good bud El Sid. Sid is the queen of surveys, answering them that is. I rarely post surveys because I blog and therefore people know more about me than they ever should anyway. But, why not more?

1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before?: Contemplate the long, slow, agonizing death of a co-worker, oh, no, wait, I’ve done that before. I had my purse stolen, but, I didn’t really do that, someone else did, so maybe they can put that down as something they’ve never done before. I got a job where they pay me, money, to write.

2. Did anyone close to you give birth?: Yep, a couple.

3. Did anyone close to you die?: Uh, yeah.

4. What countries did you visit?: US of A and Texas

5. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?: Awesome sex and lots of it!

6. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?: A couple… Jan. 2^nd - the Sago Mine disaster, Nov. 9^th - the day my friend Kevin died, and Dec. 11^th.

7. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Jurying into Tamarack and getting a job where they pay me, money, to write.

8. What was your biggest failure?: Not finishing my novel or novella.

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?: Yeah, I puked my guts up in-flight from Pittsburgh to Denver, which fits both categories - illness and injury to my pride.

10. What was the best thing you bought?: Beads, Black Stone Cherry tickets, and airline tickets.
11. Whose behavior merited celebration? Mine, because my co-worker still lives.

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?: Mine, because I’ve become a lazy git.

13. Where did most of your money go?: Beads and traveling.

14. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Jurying into Tamarack, getting my writing job, and Black Stone Cherry.

15. What song will always remind you of 2006? “Rollin’ On” by Black Stone Cherry, “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder, and “Rockstar” by Nickelback.

16. Compared to this time last year are you:

a) happier or sadder? Both, in many ways

b) thinner or fatter? Same

c) richer or poorer? Both, in many ways

17. What do you wish you’d done more of?: Reading, writing, traveling

18. What do you wish you’d done less of? Smoking and disliking my co-workers

19. Did you fall in love in 2006?: I thought I did, but it was an illusion

20. How many one-night stands? I didn’t stand up and have sex this year. Hell, I barely had sex.

21. What was your favorite TV program? Forensic Files
22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?: Oh. Yeah. I would think so. (Although I would like to add that I feel that hate is a very detrimental thing. We only hurt ourselves when we hate and as I am best at hurting myself I will continue to do so in peace.)

23. What was your greatest musical discovery?: LMAO!!! You have to ask? BLACK STONE CHERRY!

24. What did you want and get?: A job writing, my own jewelry business.

25. What did you want and not get?: Hot, passionate, teeth clenching, toe curling, sheet ripping sex. (This has GOT to change in the new year)

26. What was your favorite film of this year?: Pirates of the Caribbean - Dead Man’s Chest, yea scabrous dogs. (Hide the rum)

27. What did you do on your birthday?: Nothing special on the day

28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?: See # 5 and #25 and my dream job.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?: I don’t do fashion but if I must, I would say, 80’s Hair Band Throwback. Its a statement I’ve been making since Bon Jovi gave love a bad name.
30. What kept you sane?: What kept me sane? What always keeps me sane - friends, music, cigarettes, and tequila.

31. Who did you miss?: I really, really missed my German family. A lot.

32. Who was the best new person you met?: Not a fair question. I met so many great people this year. Sorry, can’t pick just one. Besides, they should know who they are.

That is all. Enjoy.