Anything Goes

How to figure out who in the hell people are in your family.

Let’s start with my little fucked up family, shall we?

Where shall I start?

We’ll start here at Ali B. and George B.

Ali B. and George B. were brothers who married sisters - Lucinda and Esther. I’ll put their children etc. directly below them so you can see the line of descent.

Ali B. ………………………………………. George B.

Rebecca……………………………………. Julie

Now, notice here that Rebecca and Julie are double first cousins. They are the daughters of brothers who married sisters.

Archie……………………………………….John Wilson

Drawn a line between Archie and Julie and Rebecca and JohnWilson. Put “double first cousin, once removed” on it. On the line between Archie and John Wilson put “double second cousins.”

My Mo………………………………………… Mattie

Draw a line between Archie and Mattie, put “Husband and wife” and “double second cousins, once removed” on it. Draw a line between John Wilson and My Mo and put “double second cousins, once removed” and “Grandfather/Granddaughter” on it. On the line between My Mo and Mattie put “Daughter/Mother” and “double third cousins”

Nanner………………………………………….. My Mo

Draw a line between Nanner and Mattie , put “Granddaughter/Grandmother” and “double third cousin, once removed”. Draw a line from My Mo to My Mo and put “Self” and “double third cousin, once removed.” The line between Nanner and My Mo will have “double fourth cousins” and “daughter/mother” on it.

Nate…………………………………………….. Nanner

Draw a line between Nate and My Mo, put “Grandson/Grandmother” and “double fourth cousins, once removed. The line between Nanner and Nanner will read “Self” and “double fourth cousin, once removed.” The line between Nanner and Nate will read “Son/Mother” and fifth cousins.

Even more confusing is the fact that not only were Rebecca and Julie double first cousins (and my great-grandmother and great-great grandmother, respectively), but they also married brothers, Jacob C. and George C.

Whooo boy!

Jacob C……………………………………………………..George C.

Brothers

(1st cousins)Archie……………………………………………………….John Wilson

This switches Archie and John Wilson from Second Cousins to First in this line.

(2nd cousins) My Mo…………………………………………………….Mattie

It also means that now Mattie and Archie are not just husband and wife, but also first cousins, once removed and My Mo and my Mama Mattie are now not just mother and daughter but also second cousins, making my Papa Archie and my great-grandfather John Wilson, her first cousins, once removed as well.

(3rd cousins) Nanner……………………………………………………My Mo

Now making Nanner not just her mother’s daughter but also her third cousin and her second cousin, once removed, as well as the second cousin, once removed of her own grandmother.

(4th cousins) Nate…………………………………………………………..Nanner

And making Nate not just my son, but also my third cousin, once removed and my fourth cousin as well as being the third cousin, once removed of his own grandmother.

Here’s another way to look at it.

Nanner………………………………………….Kevin (1st cousins)

Nate………………………………………………Lee (1st cousin, once removed to Nanner, 2nd cousin to Nate

Nate’s child…………………………………….Hunter (1st cousin, twice removed from Nanner, 2nd cousin, once removed to Nate, 3rd cousin to Nate’s child.)

Plus, you have to figure in that Kevin’s mother and my mother were sisters and therefore also cousins of each other, making Kevin and I not just 1st cousins but also 3rd cousins, once removed and double 4th cousins, once removed, which is the exact same relation I am to myself.

Does that clear things up?

How to figure out who in the hell people are in your family.

Let’s start with my little fucked up family, shall we?

Where shall I start?

We’ll start here at Ali B. and George B.

Ali B. and George B. were brothers who married sisters - Lucinda and Esther. I’ll put their children etc. directly below them so you can see the line of descent.

Ali B. ………………………………………. George B.

Rebecca……………………………………. Julie

Now, notice here that Rebecca and Julie are double first cousins. They are the daughters of brothers who married sisters.

Archie……………………………………….John Wilson

Drawn a line between Archie and Julie and Rebecca and JohnWilson. Put “double first cousin, once removed” on it. On the line between Archie and John Wilson put “double second cousins.”

My Mo………………………………………… Mattie

Draw a line between Archie and Mattie, put “Husband and wife” and “double second cousins, once removed” on it. Draw a line between John Wilson and My Mo and put “double second cousins, once removed” and “Grandfather/Granddaughter” on it. On the line between My Mo and Mattie put “Daughter/Mother” and “double third cousins”

Nanner………………………………………….. My Mo

Draw a line between Nanner and Mattie , put “Granddaughter/Grandmother” and “double third cousin, once removed”. Draw a line from My Mo to My Mo and put “Self” and “double third cousin, once removed.” The line between Nanner and My Mo will have “double fourth cousins” and “daughter/mother” on it.

Nate…………………………………………….. Nanner

Draw a line between Nate and My Mo, put “Grandson/Grandmother” and “double fourth cousins, once removed. The line between Nanner and Nanner will read “Self” and “double fourth cousin, once removed.” The line between Nanner and Nate will read “Son/Mother” and fifth cousins.

Even more confusing is the fact that not only were Rebecca and Julie double first cousins (and my great-grandmother and great-great grandmother, respectively), but they also married brothers, Jacob C. and George C.

Whooo boy!

Jacob C……………………………………………………..George C.

Brothers

(1st cousins)Archie……………………………………………………….John Wilson

This switches Archie and John Wilson from Second Cousins to First in this line.

(2nd cousins) My Mo…………………………………………………….Mattie

It also means that now Mattie and Archie are not just husband and wife, but also first cousins, once removed and My Mo and my Mama Mattie are now not just mother and daughter but also second cousins, making my Papa Archie and my great-grandfather John Wilson, her first cousins, once removed as well.

(3rd cousins) Nanner……………………………………………………My Mo

Now making Nanner not just her mother’s daughter but also her third cousin and her second cousin, once removed, as well as the second cousin, once removed of her own grandmother.

(4th cousins) Nate…………………………………………………………..Nanner

And making Nate not just my son, but also my third cousin, once removed and my fourth cousin as well as being the third cousin, once removed of his own grandmother.

Here’s another way to look at it.

Nanner………………………………………….Kevin (1st cousins)

Nate………………………………………………Lee (1st cousin, once removed to Nanner, 2nd cousin to Nate

Nate’s child…………………………………….Hunter (1st cousin, twice removed from Nanner, 2nd cousin, once removed to Nate, 3rd cousin to Nate’s child.)

Plus, you have to figure in that Kevin’s mother and my mother were sisters and therefore also cousins of each other, making Kevin and I not just 1st cousins but also 3rd cousins, once removed and double 4th cousins, once removed, which is the exact same relation I am to myself.

Does that clear things up?

Not to be confused with serosanguinous, although both are about blood. Yes, it was once again time for the fam damily reunion. No, I didn’t get a date but I did get a number. Ba dum crash!

One of my cousins (second cousin - once removed, to be exact) was curious about our familial connections. She also wanted to know why she was once removed from me. “Because you stink.” Har, har, har. *Ahem* Her mother, the great-niece of my grandmother, and I, are second cousins. And what constitutes a second cousin? I just told you. Pay attention.

So, any children of the great niece of my grandmother, or the prodigy of first cousins, are second cousins, and any of their children are then my second cousins - once removed. However, the daughter of the great niece of my grandmother (or great grandniece) then becomes Nate’s third cousin and any of their prodigy will then be fourth cousins, but third cousins, once removed from Nate.

However, as not to confuse the poor child, since she was so curious, she is also my fourth cousin, once removed and my double fifth cousin, once removed. I am my own third cousin, once removed ( meaning my Mom is my third cousin and my double fourth cousin) which also means that I am also my double fourth cousin, once removed. Legally, yes, I can marry myself. We’re also distantly related through other branches.

Ha, and you thought I didn’t really have any branches on my family tree, didn’t you?

Oh, wait…

Not to be confused with serosanguinous, although both are about blood. Yes, it was once again time for the fam damily reunion. No, I didn’t get a date but I did get a number. Ba dum crash!

One of my cousins (second cousin - once removed, to be exact) was curious about our familial connections. She also wanted to know why she was once removed from me. “Because you stink.” Har, har, har. *Ahem* Her mother, the great-niece of my grandmother, and I, are second cousins. And what constitutes a second cousin? I just told you. Pay attention.

So, any children of the great niece of my grandmother, or the prodigy of first cousins, are second cousins, and any of their children are then my second cousins - once removed. However, the daughter of the great niece of my grandmother (or great grandniece) then becomes Nate’s third cousin and any of their prodigy will then be fourth cousins, but third cousins, once removed from Nate.

However, as not to confuse the poor child, since she was so curious, she is also my fourth cousin, once removed and my double fifth cousin, once removed. I am my own third cousin, once removed ( meaning my Mom is my third cousin and my double fourth cousin) which also means that I am also my double fourth cousin, once removed. Legally, yes, I can marry myself. We’re also distantly related through other branches.

Ha, and you thought I didn’t really have any branches on my family tree, didn’t you?

Oh, wait…

So, I settled in for a right good storm. Lights are out, windows open in the bedroom, fan running, listening.

Suddenly, it’s as though the fan has been turned up on “Catastrophic” as a gust of wind from nowhere buffets my house, rustling leaves and limbs, making dogs bark. I listen. . . for the sound of tree limbs cracking from next door, as they often do, but they don’t. I listen. . . to the Venetian blinds alternating banging and rattling as they are lifted away and then sucked against the panes as the wind breathes inside my house. I listen. . . for thunder . . . I watch . . . for lightening. . . *tick* *tick* *bang* *rattle* *rustle* *breath in* *breath out* *tock*

I fall asleep, certain in my mind that the approaching rain and lightening and thunder will wake me.

Certain that droplets of water from the window above my head will wake me.

Nothing wakes me but the radio playing at 6:00 a.m.

I ask the lady at the convenience store about the storm. She said, “Freaky wind, sounded like a tornado.”

“No lightening? No thunder?”

“Nope, just a wicked wind.”

It stormed today. I wouldn’t describe it as foreplay, more like premature ejaculation. It got off way too soon.

Story of my life.

The yo-yo is down today. Always full of big dreams, hopes, and wishes, full of promise and then… I get out of bed. Blogging for two years tomorrow. Happy Blogiversary to me.

So, I settled in for a right good storm. Lights are out, windows open in the bedroom, fan running, listening.

Suddenly, it’s as though the fan has been turned up on “Catastrophic” as a gust of wind from nowhere buffets my house, rustling leaves and limbs, making dogs bark. I listen. . . for the sound of tree limbs cracking from next door, as they often do, but they don’t. I listen. . . to the Venetian blinds alternating banging and rattling as they are lifted away and then sucked against the panes as the wind breathes inside my house. I listen. . . for thunder . . . I watch . . . for lightening. . . *tick* *tick* *bang* *rattle* *rustle* *breath in* *breath out* *tock*

I fall asleep, certain in my mind that the approaching rain and lightening and thunder will wake me.

Certain that droplets of water from the window above my head will wake me.

Nothing wakes me but the radio playing at 6:00 a.m.

I ask the lady at the convenience store about the storm. She said, “Freaky wind, sounded like a tornado.”

“No lightening? No thunder?”

“Nope, just a wicked wind.”

It stormed today. I wouldn’t describe it as foreplay, more like premature ejaculation. It got off way too soon.

Story of my life.

The yo-yo is down today. Always full of big dreams, hopes, and wishes, full of promise and then… I get out of bed. Blogging for two years tomorrow. Happy Blogiversary to me.

Brought to you by the letter, “F.”

Life is like a yo-yo, sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down, the trick is to keep moving.

Navy boy, well, I got the definite, “Stay away from me freak” vibe. You win some, you lose some.

It’s suddenly hot and massive thunderstorms are working their way here from the Ohio Valley. Did I tell ya’ll about the last thunderstorm? Guess not since you all have that, “what the fuck is she talking about” look on your faces.

Forecasts all day foretelling the foreboding influx of high winds, tornadoes, hail, and flash flooding. I witnessed the fantastic formation of clouds flying across the night sky with flashes of lightning within their freakish flummoxing fabrications, as though I were watching a film in fast forward.

The first raindrops hit my face forcing me to seek shelter under my front porch. Still following the forward path of the storm, almost certain it would forsake my feelings and fizzle. It knew my feelings lay fallow. It knew I needed cleansed and yet it faltered, following a winding course, overflowing on others as it left me parched and fevered.

I moved inside and fastened my eyes on the horizon from my window, flattened by the Goddess’s refusal to allow me to drink from her fountain as the clouds floated away.

“That was just foreplay,” I said.

An eye-frying flash of lightening streaked down and thunder fell violently on my head and shoulders as the lights flickered out, leaving me frozen, freaked, and still fallow.

Don’t fuck with the Goddess.

Brought to you by the letter, “F.”

Life is like a yo-yo, sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down, the trick is to keep moving.

Navy boy, well, I got the definite, “Stay away from me freak” vibe. You win some, you lose some.

It’s suddenly hot and massive thunderstorms are working their way here from the Ohio Valley. Did I tell ya’ll about the last thunderstorm? Guess not since you all have that, “what the fuck is she talking about” look on your faces.

Forecasts all day foretelling the foreboding influx of high winds, tornadoes, hail, and flash flooding. I witnessed the fantastic formation of clouds flying across the night sky with flashes of lightning within their freakish flummoxing fabrications, as though I were watching a film in fast forward.

The first raindrops hit my face forcing me to seek shelter under my front porch. Still following the forward path of the storm, almost certain it would forsake my feelings and fizzle. It knew my feelings lay fallow. It knew I needed cleansed and yet it faltered, following a winding course, overflowing on others as it left me parched and fevered.

I moved inside and fastened my eyes on the horizon from my window, flattened by the Goddess’s refusal to allow me to drink from her fountain as the clouds floated away.

“That was just foreplay,” I said.

An eye-frying flash of lightening streaked down and thunder fell violently on my head and shoulders as the lights flickered out, leaving me frozen, freaked, and still fallow.

Don’t fuck with the Goddess.

Well, it’s elastic, what do you think it does? It bounces back! After extolling my woes to you all and my co-workers today, I feel much better. Especially since my new co-worker is a an ex-Navy man, still walks like a Navy man, and still has that tight Navy ass. Too bad he’s still in love with his ex-wife.

Onward and upward.

Still have been a little weepy, but nothing like yesterday.

AZ saw the picture I posted yesterday and called me a lush. Whaaaa? I resemble that remark!

Oh, wait…

Heh. He just wishes he could have been there. Can you imagine what I could have done to him in that mood? Not my fault he wasn’t there.

Been looking at job listings again. This time for in house paralegal gigs with the big dogs. Woof! The only openings in TX oil companies is Shell. I’ll sell my soul. Not a problem. Plus they have offices in Germany, well, most oil companies do, but maybe my foreign language skills will come in handy in some way eventually. It wouldn’t hurt to apply.

Regardless, life has GOT to change around this berg.

Well, it’s elastic, what do you think it does? It bounces back! After extolling my woes to you all and my co-workers today, I feel much better. Especially since my new co-worker is a an ex-Navy man, still walks like a Navy man, and still has that tight Navy ass. Too bad he’s still in love with his ex-wife.

Onward and upward.

Still have been a little weepy, but nothing like yesterday.

AZ saw the picture I posted yesterday and called me a lush. Whaaaa? I resemble that remark!

Oh, wait…

Heh. He just wishes he could have been there. Can you imagine what I could have done to him in that mood? Not my fault he wasn’t there.

Been looking at job listings again. This time for in house paralegal gigs with the big dogs. Woof! The only openings in TX oil companies is Shell. I’ll sell my soul. Not a problem. Plus they have offices in Germany, well, most oil companies do, but maybe my foreign language skills will come in handy in some way eventually. It wouldn’t hurt to apply.

Regardless, life has GOT to change around this berg.