Anything Goes

Nate was an asshole in karate this evening. A couple of times I wanted to walk out onto the mats and jerk a knot in his ass.

In good news, Nate wrote his essay today, all five paragraphs, in two hours.

The Nabes are being evicted. They have to be out by Monday.

I have submitted several resumes. I have heard nothing.

I’m constipated creatively and must have no less than eight bead projects ongoing, trying to get ready for jury in three weeks.

Baby Squeak, that is the abandoned kitten brought over by The Nabes, is dying. It’s sick and Lola abandoned it under the bed. It was so near death when I found it, I thought it was going to die in my hand. Now, it’s gotten warmed up and is living up to it’s name. It’s pitiful. I thought about kitten formula but if it’s sick anyway, why prolong it? Than again, I see this incredible will to live and hate to let it just die without a fight. I don’t think I’ll have much choice by in the morning.

Sensei Smiley was not at karate tonight.

We haven’t heard anything from the private school.

I’m applying for an Associate Editor position at Bead&Button Magazine. Trouble is, the job is in Waukesha, Wisconsin, which is where our dear KtP went to college. Couldn’t be that bad. Could be bad if Jeff wants to raise a stink with me, which, I’m sure he will IF I even have a chance at the job since I don’t have a degree in Journalism or any other art.

It’s been five months since I sent out an article. The months creep by.

I wasn’t able to pay all of my bills this month.

I’m very frustrated, with just about everything right now. Very frustrated. My job ends April 1st. I’m tired of going to work and having nothing to do but look for another job. I’m grateful I still have a job, but I’m bored. I’ve tried pulling files, I answer questions, I’m trying to close out as many files as possible before I go, just so no one else that has no idea what is going on has to deal with it. I check my voicemail three or four times a day. I check my e-mail.

I’m so very frustrated.

Nate was an asshole in karate this evening. A couple of times I wanted to walk out onto the mats and jerk a knot in his ass.

In good news, Nate wrote his essay today, all five paragraphs, in two hours.

The Nabes are being evicted. They have to be out by Monday.

I have submitted several resumes. I have heard nothing.

I’m constipated creatively and must have no less than eight bead projects ongoing, trying to get ready for jury in three weeks.

Baby Squeak, that is the abandoned kitten brought over by The Nabes, is dying. It’s sick and Lola abandoned it under the bed. It was so near death when I found it, I thought it was going to die in my hand. Now, it’s gotten warmed up and is living up to it’s name. It’s pitiful. I thought about kitten formula but if it’s sick anyway, why prolong it? Than again, I see this incredible will to live and hate to let it just die without a fight. I don’t think I’ll have much choice by in the morning.

Sensei Smiley was not at karate tonight.

We haven’t heard anything from the private school.

I’m applying for an Associate Editor position at Bead&Button Magazine. Trouble is, the job is in Waukesha, Wisconsin, which is where our dear KtP went to college. Couldn’t be that bad. Could be bad if Jeff wants to raise a stink with me, which, I’m sure he will IF I even have a chance at the job since I don’t have a degree in Journalism or any other art.

It’s been five months since I sent out an article. The months creep by.

I wasn’t able to pay all of my bills this month.

I’m very frustrated, with just about everything right now. Very frustrated. My job ends April 1st. I’m tired of going to work and having nothing to do but look for another job. I’m grateful I still have a job, but I’m bored. I’ve tried pulling files, I answer questions, I’m trying to close out as many files as possible before I go, just so no one else that has no idea what is going on has to deal with it. I check my voicemail three or four times a day. I check my e-mail.

I’m so very frustrated.

I sat down with Nate last night and worked on some exercises from the book, “The Gift of Dyslexia.” It’s a visualization exercise meant to center the “mind’s eye” where it should be and “turn off” the disorientation center of the brain.

Nate looked at me and asked, “What’s ‘disorientation’?” I said, “Confusion, not understanding things.”

He looked at me with those big blue eyes and he asked softly, “Can we turn that part off?”

I responded, “That’s what you’re going to learn to do.”

I had him write “The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog” before we started. I then had him write it afterwards, noticing when his mind “jumped” away from the subject. I had him bring his “mind’s eye” back to the “orientation point” and write it again.

In the first sentence he made the “q” a “g” and had to write over it. He also capitalized “fox” and “jumped.” In the second sentence, he got the “q” right but erased and re-wrote the “w” and the “z” and only capitalized “jumped.” I pointed out which letters made his mind “jump” and how to reorient himself.

The third sentence was perfect. True, he had written it three times, but not only was it perfectly spelled and punctuated but it was fluent. “Fluency” in these terms means how fast something is written. His handwriting was beautiful and he even pressed harder with the pencil. There was no hesitation in his writing. Normally, no matter how many times he writes the word, “quick” or “pick” or “dog” or “was,” he hesitates because he has trouble with “q,” “p,” “g,” “d,” “b,” “w,” and “z.” At least half the time his “b” and “d” are combined and the “q” looks like a “g” before it looks like a “q.”

For a child who has been writing the alphabet since he was four, he should be much more fluent. He has to stop and concentrate on how the letters are actually formed. With the orientation exercise, he doesn’t have to do this because he has “turned off” the disorientation caused by his mind “jumping.”

I asked him this morning why he thought he did so much better on the third sentence. He said, “Because I worked harder on it.” I asked, “But were you able to work harder on it because you were able to concentrate on it or just because you worked harder?”

He said, “Oh, because I could concentrate on it,” then he scrunched his face up and said, “but I didn’t have to try as hard to concentrate.” *Light bulb*

Last night, when I had him compare the first sentence vs. the third sentence and I asked him what he thought about it, he just grinned at me and hugged me very hard. Baby steps . . . and more exercises.

I sat down with Nate last night and worked on some exercises from the book, “The Gift of Dyslexia.” It’s a visualization exercise meant to center the “mind’s eye” where it should be and “turn off” the disorientation center of the brain.

Nate looked at me and asked, “What’s ‘disorientation’?” I said, “Confusion, not understanding things.”

He looked at me with those big blue eyes and he asked softly, “Can we turn that part off?”

I responded, “That’s what you’re going to learn to do.”

I had him write “The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog” before we started. I then had him write it afterwards, noticing when his mind “jumped” away from the subject. I had him bring his “mind’s eye” back to the “orientation point” and write it again.

In the first sentence he made the “q” a “g” and had to write over it. He also capitalized “fox” and “jumped.” In the second sentence, he got the “q” right but erased and re-wrote the “w” and the “z” and only capitalized “jumped.” I pointed out which letters made his mind “jump” and how to reorient himself.

The third sentence was perfect. True, he had written it three times, but not only was it perfectly spelled and punctuated but it was fluent. “Fluency” in these terms means how fast something is written. His handwriting was beautiful and he even pressed harder with the pencil. There was no hesitation in his writing. Normally, no matter how many times he writes the word, “quick” or “pick” or “dog” or “was,” he hesitates because he has trouble with “q,” “p,” “g,” “d,” “b,” “w,” and “z.” At least half the time his “b” and “d” are combined and the “q” looks like a “g” before it looks like a “q.”

For a child who has been writing the alphabet since he was four, he should be much more fluent. He has to stop and concentrate on how the letters are actually formed. With the orientation exercise, he doesn’t have to do this because he has “turned off” the disorientation caused by his mind “jumping.”

I asked him this morning why he thought he did so much better on the third sentence. He said, “Because I worked harder on it.” I asked, “But were you able to work harder on it because you were able to concentrate on it or just because you worked harder?”

He said, “Oh, because I could concentrate on it,” then he scrunched his face up and said, “but I didn’t have to try as hard to concentrate.” *Light bulb*

Last night, when I had him compare the first sentence vs. the third sentence and I asked him what he thought about it, he just grinned at me and hugged me very hard. Baby steps . . . and more exercises.

After doing more research into dyslexia, I’m wondering if Nate is even ADHD at all. A lot of the same symptoms apply. Nate grasps mathematical concepts very easily, yet hates writing anything on paper. He knows the answer, yet doesn’t show his work. There are more and more things. The trouble with time, disorganization, social problems, daydreaming, inability to concentrate, etc.

I ordered the recommended book and read all of the comments from other buyers. The vast majority were positive. I’ve ordered so many damn books. I’ve looked into so many resources. I found you can do a similar program to do at home that the lady is offering for $2500.00. Might as well give it a try.

Jeff saw the price tag on the class and immediately pooh-poohed its effectiveness. Of course, it wasn’t him presenting the material, and it wasn’t his idea, so it has no merit. He didn’t even read the materials on the signs and symptoms of dyslexia. We already KNOW Nate has dysgraphia and although he reads well and grasps that math easily, what if this is the key?

WHAT IF THIS IS THE KEY??? Maybe it’s not. Maybe there is no key, just like there’s no fucking spoon. But, fuck, you don’t give up. You don’t look at a bright, brilliant, funny, creative child and say, “Sorry kid. I give up.” You don’t. You keep looking for the key. Maybe there’s more than one key. Maybe there are so many doors to open. But you have to keep looking, you have to keep trying.

It’s more than just… whatever, it’s an intuition. I look at Nate and I feel it. I feel this incredible longing inside of him to break free, to succeed, to learn how to overcome, to just be happy with who he is.

What others see as a disability, can actually be turned around to be empowering. If it wasn’t for the Leonardo De Vincis, the Albert Einsteins, the Thomas Edisons, where would we be today? Okay, minus an atom bomb, I’ll give you that one.

I’m weary. I’m so very tired. As of April 1st, I will no longer have a job, unless, I get a new one. The employment ads are bleak. But maybe, this coasting time period is the period I need to concentrate on Nate. I’m like a cat. I always land on my feet, especially if you drop me from a high enough place.

I will land on my feet. I will take Nate with me. I will never stop looking for the key.

After doing more research into dyslexia, I’m wondering if Nate is even ADHD at all. A lot of the same symptoms apply. Nate grasps mathematical concepts very easily, yet hates writing anything on paper. He knows the answer, yet doesn’t show his work. There are more and more things. The trouble with time, disorganization, social problems, daydreaming, inability to concentrate, etc.

I ordered the recommended book and read all of the comments from other buyers. The vast majority were positive. I’ve ordered so many damn books. I’ve looked into so many resources. I found you can do a similar program to do at home that the lady is offering for $2500.00. Might as well give it a try.

Jeff saw the price tag on the class and immediately pooh-poohed its effectiveness. Of course, it wasn’t him presenting the material, and it wasn’t his idea, so it has no merit. He didn’t even read the materials on the signs and symptoms of dyslexia. We already KNOW Nate has dysgraphia and although he reads well and grasps that math easily, what if this is the key?

WHAT IF THIS IS THE KEY??? Maybe it’s not. Maybe there is no key, just like there’s no fucking spoon. But, fuck, you don’t give up. You don’t look at a bright, brilliant, funny, creative child and say, “Sorry kid. I give up.” You don’t. You keep looking for the key. Maybe there’s more than one key. Maybe there are so many doors to open. But you have to keep looking, you have to keep trying.

It’s more than just… whatever, it’s an intuition. I look at Nate and I feel it. I feel this incredible longing inside of him to break free, to succeed, to learn how to overcome, to just be happy with who he is.

What others see as a disability, can actually be turned around to be empowering. If it wasn’t for the Leonardo De Vincis, the Albert Einsteins, the Thomas Edisons, where would we be today? Okay, minus an atom bomb, I’ll give you that one.

I’m weary. I’m so very tired. As of April 1st, I will no longer have a job, unless, I get a new one. The employment ads are bleak. But maybe, this coasting time period is the period I need to concentrate on Nate. I’m like a cat. I always land on my feet, especially if you drop me from a high enough place.

I will land on my feet. I will take Nate with me. I will never stop looking for the key.

I got a call on my voice mail today from the private school (we still don’t know if they’re letting him in) letting me know they are having a Young Writer’s Workshop and thought Nate might benefit from it. I discussed it with Jeff who thought it was worth Nate missing Saturday karate (and me missing Sensei Smiley *huff*). I just got off the phone with the coordinator. She said she thought the class would be perfect for Nate, very kinetic and creative.

There’s more though. She works exclusively with dyslexic children and as I described Nate’s writing problem she said, “It sure sounds familiar. You know, that’s one of the easiest disabilities to help. I’ll bring you a brochure to look over. I work one-on-one with kids just like him.”

My people, do you have any idea what it’s like to talk to an educator who says, “You know, I can help your child.” Wow.

Also, Nate’s last essay at school was so good, they copied it and put it on the Principal’s door. Jeff’s rethinking whether we should switch him now that he’s doing better. My response: HELL. YES. Nate looked at me this morning as I said, “Have a great day, Bub. I love you,” scowled and responded, “Yeah. Let’s see what Ms. Teacher can dream up to torture me with today. It’s always something.” I said, “Dude, it’s only one more day. We can all make it one more day. A positive attitude can change everything. Now, let’s both have a great day, okay?”

He lifted his chin and gave me a half smile, which meant, “I’m trying, I’m really, really trying but I still don’t believe.”

Believe Nate. Believe.

I got a call on my voice mail today from the private school (we still don’t know if they’re letting him in) letting me know they are having a Young Writer’s Workshop and thought Nate might benefit from it. I discussed it with Jeff who thought it was worth Nate missing Saturday karate (and me missing Sensei Smiley *huff*). I just got off the phone with the coordinator. She said she thought the class would be perfect for Nate, very kinetic and creative.

There’s more though. She works exclusively with dyslexic children and as I described Nate’s writing problem she said, “It sure sounds familiar. You know, that’s one of the easiest disabilities to help. I’ll bring you a brochure to look over. I work one-on-one with kids just like him.”

My people, do you have any idea what it’s like to talk to an educator who says, “You know, I can help your child.” Wow.

Also, Nate’s last essay at school was so good, they copied it and put it on the Principal’s door. Jeff’s rethinking whether we should switch him now that he’s doing better. My response: HELL. YES. Nate looked at me this morning as I said, “Have a great day, Bub. I love you,” scowled and responded, “Yeah. Let’s see what Ms. Teacher can dream up to torture me with today. It’s always something.” I said, “Dude, it’s only one more day. We can all make it one more day. A positive attitude can change everything. Now, let’s both have a great day, okay?”

He lifted his chin and gave me a half smile, which meant, “I’m trying, I’m really, really trying but I still don’t believe.”

Believe Nate. Believe.

As you can probably guess, Jeff and I have had a multitude of discussions regarding this school switching thing.

Things to remember:

This private school is not a “quick fix,” even if they accept him. There’s a transition period involved, and wherever Nate goes, he takes his challenges with him, that’s just a given.

I cautioned Jeff not to hope for a miraculous change in Nate. It took time for him to get where he is, it’s going to take time to get him where we know he can be. Right now, he’s very down on himself. His self-esteem spikes and plunges.

In my heart, and don’t try to talk to me out of it, I believe the teacher and principal are wavering between hoping this is what is best for Nate and hoping he falls flat on his face to spite me and Jeff. The principal’s attitude was, “I hope you find satisfaction in what you’re doing” or something to that nature and it wasn’t with good tidings.

If I didn’t believe that this would be the best thing for Nate then I wouldn’t do it. What’s more, it takes pressure off of his current teacher to keep her test scores up, although Nate has always scored in the upper 10% on standardized tests. I’m sure if we can get Nate transferred by the 28th, she’ll be happy he won’t bring down the test scores for the 4th grade writing assessment. Writing, obviously, being his worst subject. Part of me wants him to take the writing assessment, just so all of his hard work has not been in vain.

Nate pulled up all of his grades and came out with 3 A’s, 2 B’s, 2 D’s and an E. This was much better than last time when he pulled 5 E’s at midterm and 3 E’s at the nine weeks. Nate buckled down and utilized the accommodations for his writing, still showing he knows the material. I’m very proud.

****

As for me, I’ve edited two more short essays for the WV writing competition. I’m entering “Chrysalis” in the Non-fiction, “Fruit of a Christian - Sermonus Interruptus” in the Humor and “Down the Nar’ Path” in the Appalachian Writing categories, all three will be entered in the Emerging Writer category, since the last time I won anything for writing it was in high school.

What used to be these posts have been broken down, cleaned up, added on, edited, edited, edited (definitely less cussing), making them stronger and tighter, and in the case of “Fruit,” I think, funnier. If you would like to review, refresh, or simply read them for the first time, leave your info in the comments or e-mail me and I’ll ship them off to you.

All of these hold a special place in my heart and perhaps they would all fit in the Appalachian writing category. I’m not so sure. I think “Fruit” is uniquely Southern (as in Baptist), and “Chrysalis” not so much so. “Path” was written specifically about West Virginians and therefore Appalachia. I’ll just keep it as it is.

Nate and I got to the dojo way too late to even think of seeing Sensei Smiley. The yellow stripe belts were testing for their yellow belts and it was a mad house!! I couldn’t even sit inside the dojo to watch Nate. I sat on the inside steps leading down into the dojo and ran into a classmate from high school that I hadn’t seen in 18 years! She was two years behind me in school but I recognized her name and then the face, although she’s 8 months pregnant with baby # 4! The world is small folks.

Later, as the multitude of parents and children filtered in and out amongst the bathrooms and up the steps and down the steps, and in and out of the dojo, Nate finally caught up to me and then drug me into the dojo, the entire length of the dojo, back to the offices, with me asking him every step of the way, “What do you need Nate?” “What do you want Nate?” I thought he was going to try and con me out of a shield, or sparring gloves, or worse, THE DREADED CUP. No. He marched right up to the second office with Master J and Sensei Smiley, waves and says, BYEEEEEE!!

He turns and says, “Okay, I’m done.” I just stood there and asked, “What did you want?” Master J said, “I think to say good-bye.” DOH! But, I did get to see Sensei Smiley smile. Which isn’t hard to do with Nate, in all his enthusiasm, waving and saying good-bye, even though I felt like an idiot for being drug all the way across the dojo, caught up by Nate, having no choice but to go instead of making a scene. I guess it was worth it seeing his smile. Nate’s and Sensei Smiley’s.

As you can probably guess, Jeff and I have had a multitude of discussions regarding this school switching thing.

Things to remember:

This private school is not a “quick fix,” even if they accept him. There’s a transition period involved, and wherever Nate goes, he takes his challenges with him, that’s just a given.

I cautioned Jeff not to hope for a miraculous change in Nate. It took time for him to get where he is, it’s going to take time to get him where we know he can be. Right now, he’s very down on himself. His self-esteem spikes and plunges.

In my heart, and don’t try to talk to me out of it, I believe the teacher and principal are wavering between hoping this is what is best for Nate and hoping he falls flat on his face to spite me and Jeff. The principal’s attitude was, “I hope you find satisfaction in what you’re doing” or something to that nature and it wasn’t with good tidings.

If I didn’t believe that this would be the best thing for Nate then I wouldn’t do it. What’s more, it takes pressure off of his current teacher to keep her test scores up, although Nate has always scored in the upper 10% on standardized tests. I’m sure if we can get Nate transferred by the 28th, she’ll be happy he won’t bring down the test scores for the 4th grade writing assessment. Writing, obviously, being his worst subject. Part of me wants him to take the writing assessment, just so all of his hard work has not been in vain.

Nate pulled up all of his grades and came out with 3 A’s, 2 B’s, 2 D’s and an E. This was much better than last time when he pulled 5 E’s at midterm and 3 E’s at the nine weeks. Nate buckled down and utilized the accommodations for his writing, still showing he knows the material. I’m very proud.

****

As for me, I’ve edited two more short essays for the WV writing competition. I’m entering “Chrysalis” in the Non-fiction, “Fruit of a Christian - Sermonus Interruptus” in the Humor and “Down the Nar’ Path” in the Appalachian Writing categories, all three will be entered in the Emerging Writer category, since the last time I won anything for writing it was in high school.

What used to be these posts have been broken down, cleaned up, added on, edited, edited, edited (definitely less cussing), making them stronger and tighter, and in the case of “Fruit,” I think, funnier. If you would like to review, refresh, or simply read them for the first time, leave your info in the comments or e-mail me and I’ll ship them off to you.

All of these hold a special place in my heart and perhaps they would all fit in the Appalachian writing category. I’m not so sure. I think “Fruit” is uniquely Southern (as in Baptist), and “Chrysalis” not so much so. “Path” was written specifically about West Virginians and therefore Appalachia. I’ll just keep it as it is.

Nate and I got to the dojo way too late to even think of seeing Sensei Smiley. The yellow stripe belts were testing for their yellow belts and it was a mad house!! I couldn’t even sit inside the dojo to watch Nate. I sat on the inside steps leading down into the dojo and ran into a classmate from high school that I hadn’t seen in 18 years! She was two years behind me in school but I recognized her name and then the face, although she’s 8 months pregnant with baby # 4! The world is small folks.

Later, as the multitude of parents and children filtered in and out amongst the bathrooms and up the steps and down the steps, and in and out of the dojo, Nate finally caught up to me and then drug me into the dojo, the entire length of the dojo, back to the offices, with me asking him every step of the way, “What do you need Nate?” “What do you want Nate?” I thought he was going to try and con me out of a shield, or sparring gloves, or worse, THE DREADED CUP. No. He marched right up to the second office with Master J and Sensei Smiley, waves and says, BYEEEEEE!!

He turns and says, “Okay, I’m done.” I just stood there and asked, “What did you want?” Master J said, “I think to say good-bye.” DOH! But, I did get to see Sensei Smiley smile. Which isn’t hard to do with Nate, in all his enthusiasm, waving and saying good-bye, even though I felt like an idiot for being drug all the way across the dojo, caught up by Nate, having no choice but to go instead of making a scene. I guess it was worth it seeing his smile. Nate’s and Sensei Smiley’s.