Anything Goes

So, I found some guy skulking around my car this morning. I’m not sure if it was my car he was looking at. (That was one of Jeff’s gripes, my car was junky) I cleaned part of it out yesterday but its been so dang hot and humid its hard to sit in a car long enough to clean it out so I started late in the evening and didn’t get finished.

Maybe the guy wanted my garbage. Yeah, that’s incriminating evidence… yard clippings, the corners of non-eaten PB&Js in sandwich bags, wrappers from my sweets addiction, water bottles, milk bottles, petrified french fries, various and sundry papers of no incriminating value… those meth cookers got nuttin on me!

I noticed that my saw is missing. It may be behind the house for one reason or another or the cats might have knocked it off of the porch and its beside of it. Or someone just stole it. I have to use that saw to cut the waterbed headboard in half so the garbage men can haul it off. Oh well, I’ll go buy another one!

I’ve been praying a lot lately, even before this fiasco came about. I’ve felt the need to be closer to my Goddess. I pray for strength and protection and direction. I can’t do everything myself and as depressed as I have been lately I’ve needed a bit more of a boost. The novella idea was one thing but getting my house in order is something I have definitely been wanting to do and had already started before this.

I work to find balance between helping myself and allowing myself to be helped, whether it be a physical entity or a spiritual one. Right now, ha ha ha, I’m not one much for physical entities. I wouldn’t let the President of the United States in my yard right now. Oh, wait, I don’t trust him anyway. Okay, maybe the Pope, nevermind… that whole witch burning thing… yeah don’t trust him either.

Oh yeah, Jeff called this morning at 12:21 but before I could answer he hung up. *sigh*

Perhaps its silly to worry, but what if and I mean ‘WHAT IF’ something would go wrong at my house, as in, Jeff would get on one of his drunks and come to my house? Supposedly he has his “friends” on my town’s police department. Could I even trust my own police officers to be fair? Can I in any way trust my police? Don’t think I don’t know all about the blue wall and the blue this and the blue that.

My spirits have a way about them though. I had to watch the phones again yesterday from 4-5. I was soooo sleepy and I only meant to lay my head down for a minute… but yeah, I fell asleep at the front desk. I couldn’t have been asleep longer than 10-15 minutes.

Though if its any indication how sleepy I was I immediately fell into REM and I was dreaming… that I was asleep (which signifies that I’m in a peaceful period in my life) and I was in a hotel (which signifies I need to find a new way to deal with an old problem) but I heard knocking at the door and I could see that it was T-Bird and Jeff knocking (The knocking signifies my subconscious is trying to attract my attention to some aspect of myself or to some waking situation. A new opportunity - or money - may be presented to me - from www.myjellybean.com) Amazing relevance to my situation, don’t you think?

Maybe just a follow up of what happened Tuesday. Things are stirring. The spirits are awakening. Can you feel it?

So, I found some guy skulking around my car this morning. I’m not sure if it was my car he was looking at. (That was one of Jeff’s gripes, my car was junky) I cleaned part of it out yesterday but its been so dang hot and humid its hard to sit in a car long enough to clean it out so I started late in the evening and didn’t get finished.

Maybe the guy wanted my garbage. Yeah, that’s incriminating evidence… yard clippings, the corners of non-eaten PB&Js in sandwich bags, wrappers from my sweets addiction, water bottles, milk bottles, petrified french fries, various and sundry papers of no incriminating value… those meth cookers got nuttin on me!

I noticed that my saw is missing. It may be behind the house for one reason or another or the cats might have knocked it off of the porch and its beside of it. Or someone just stole it. I have to use that saw to cut the waterbed headboard in half so the garbage men can haul it off. Oh well, I’ll go buy another one!

I’ve been praying a lot lately, even before this fiasco came about. I’ve felt the need to be closer to my Goddess. I pray for strength and protection and direction. I can’t do everything myself and as depressed as I have been lately I’ve needed a bit more of a boost. The novella idea was one thing but getting my house in order is something I have definitely been wanting to do and had already started before this.

I work to find balance between helping myself and allowing myself to be helped, whether it be a physical entity or a spiritual one. Right now, ha ha ha, I’m not one much for physical entities. I wouldn’t let the President of the United States in my yard right now. Oh, wait, I don’t trust him anyway. Okay, maybe the Pope, nevermind… that whole witch burning thing… yeah don’t trust him either.

Oh yeah, Jeff called this morning at 12:21 but before I could answer he hung up. *sigh*

Perhaps its silly to worry, but what if and I mean ‘WHAT IF’ something would go wrong at my house, as in, Jeff would get on one of his drunks and come to my house? Supposedly he has his “friends” on my town’s police department. Could I even trust my own police officers to be fair? Can I in any way trust my police? Don’t think I don’t know all about the blue wall and the blue this and the blue that.

My spirits have a way about them though. I had to watch the phones again yesterday from 4-5. I was soooo sleepy and I only meant to lay my head down for a minute… but yeah, I fell asleep at the front desk. I couldn’t have been asleep longer than 10-15 minutes.

Though if its any indication how sleepy I was I immediately fell into REM and I was dreaming… that I was asleep (which signifies that I’m in a peaceful period in my life) and I was in a hotel (which signifies I need to find a new way to deal with an old problem) but I heard knocking at the door and I could see that it was T-Bird and Jeff knocking (The knocking signifies my subconscious is trying to attract my attention to some aspect of myself or to some waking situation. A new opportunity - or money - may be presented to me - from www.myjellybean.com) Amazing relevance to my situation, don’t you think?

Maybe just a follow up of what happened Tuesday. Things are stirring. The spirits are awakening. Can you feel it?

*STAR WARS SPOILERS*

Dear Mr. Lucas:

I just watched “Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith.” Although I found it incredibly sad, and made me just too damn sympathetic for Darth Vader in the later movies, I got a serious bone to pick with you, dude.

Now, besides the fact R2 can’t fly in the first… errrrr… last three episodes, and the stone faced, sulking, gawd where did he learn how to do love scenes Anakin, and what was up with Padme’?? Why did you turn her into a simpering fool? The same woman who used a decoy to save her life, flew a starship, fought wild beasts, and fell out of a speeder suddenly turns into this… this… crying, whiny…UGH!! That’s the way to take the balls outta the galaxy, George!

However, I must say, you did, or rather Ewan McGregor and Ian McDiarmid did, kick ass jobs as Obi-Wan and the Chancellor/Emperor/Palpatine. The Scots have it. Ewan McGregor was practically channeling Sir Alec Guinness.

Is that weird or what?

However, my biggest gripe is… in “The Return of the Jedi,” Luke specifically asks Leia about her mother, her real mother, and what she was like. Leia says she was very beautiful and kind but sad. HELLO!!!

HELLLLLOOOO!! HELLO!? Is this thing on? I mean, WTF?? First, you turn one kick ass, take charge lady into a heartsick, love schmucka!! Then, it completely goes against the 6th Episode that Star Wars geeks, such as myself, have watched over 300 times (okay, maybe 30)!! GAHHHHH!!! George!! Say it ain’t so!!

Ahhhh… pfffft!!!

*STAR WARS SPOILERS*

Dear Mr. Lucas:

I just watched “Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith.” Although I found it incredibly sad, and made me just too damn sympathetic for Darth Vader in the later movies, I got a serious bone to pick with you, dude.

Now, besides the fact R2 can’t fly in the first… errrrr… last three episodes, and the stone faced, sulking, gawd where did he learn how to do love scenes Anakin, and what was up with Padme’?? Why did you turn her into a simpering fool? The same woman who used a decoy to save her life, flew a starship, fought wild beasts, and fell out of a speeder suddenly turns into this… this… crying, whiny…UGH!! That’s the way to take the balls outta the galaxy, George!

However, I must say, you did, or rather Ewan McGregor and Ian McDiarmid did, kick ass jobs as Obi-Wan and the Chancellor/Emperor/Palpatine. The Scots have it. Ewan McGregor was practically channeling Sir Alec Guinness.

Is that weird or what?

However, my biggest gripe is… in “The Return of the Jedi,” Luke specifically asks Leia about her mother, her real mother, and what she was like. Leia says she was very beautiful and kind but sad. HELLO!!!

HELLLLLOOOO!! HELLO!? Is this thing on? I mean, WTF?? First, you turn one kick ass, take charge lady into a heartsick, love schmucka!! Then, it completely goes against the 6th Episode that Star Wars geeks, such as myself, have watched over 300 times (okay, maybe 30)!! GAHHHHH!!! George!! Say it ain’t so!!

Ahhhh… pfffft!!!

Just had a conversation with Nate’s dad or rather, he did a lot of talking and I did a lot of listening. It was a strange conversation but something I have sensed coming for a while. In a nutshell he told me that he had pictures of the inside of my house, taken by one of my “friends” and he would have my friends, the friends of my friends, my ex-babysitter, and a police officer from the city I live in to testify what a horrible mother I am and that he has been amassing evidence against me for the past two years to take Nate away from me.

But he didn’t want to do that.

But he would.

But he wasn’t going to.

In one breath he told me that he knew how much I had sacrificed for Nate and in the next breath…

How I didn’t do anything for Nate and how he deserved so much better than the 8 years that I’ve given him.

In one breath he told me that he didn’t give a shit about me and if I died tomorrow that he would make sure I got a proper burial but otherwise he didn’t give a damn whether I lived or died but in the next breath…

Told me how he still loved me and how I took a huge chunk out of his heart so many years ago.

Yet he said he didn’t give a damn what I did on weekends when Nate wasn’t with me. I could fly off to New Orleans or wherever and have my boyfriend stick his dick in my ass and I could lick his ass all I wanted

He said that Nate cried when I left for New Orleans and Houston (Nate denied that) because I was so selfish not to take him with me and if I could afford to go there and here and everywhere then I could afford to buy Nate a TV for his room and have cable, because its a disgrace not to have cable….

Yet then said he was sure he didn’t pay me enough money to help with expenses….

Yet I was getting my money and by God it wasn’t to be used to fly all over the country…

And all he did four years ago was bust Nate’s ass until he put bruises on it and that was okay and he was still a better person than me because I didn’t have the balls to call him and tell him that I was going to sue him for custody but he was bigger and better because he was calling me to tell me that although he had all the evidence to take Nate, and all these people to back him up, that he loved Nate too much to take him away from his Mama.

Then he tells me how smart I am and how that’s what my fucking problem is… I’m too damn smart and therefore incapable of leading a normal everyday life. My mind could see deep into matters that others never thought of and he akinned it to Aqualung, the local brilliant homeless guy. Too smart for my own damn good.

I’ll be the first to admit peeps, as I have before, that my house could use a good scrubbing and yes, I’m ashamed of it right now. Right now, the outside looks good… the inside looks like hell. And yes, I fully intend on doing something about it and not because of the 85 minutes I spent on the phone. I’ll do it for me and Nate, as I do all things.

I held steady on the phone but admittedly I cried when I hung up. I cried because I haven’t done better in the past and I cried, frankly, because I know someone close to me has betrayed my trust and confidence. That person is T-Bird. As I said, I’ve felt this coming on. I’ve felt the eyes upon me. Seems funny that my neighbors can have a jungle in their backyard yet I’m the one who gets called in to the city. Seems funny that my neighbors can have 10 cats running around their yard but one of mine does something wrong and the humane officer is sent out. Seems funny their garbage can pile up on their back deck until the back door isn’t visible but I leave a couple bags for longer than a week and I’m being called in on .

It didn’t take much to put two and two together… why? Because T-Bird is in big with the local PD and makes it a point, of course, to point that out every chance she gets. She’s also only one of two people besides myself who has had access to my house in the past year. I know Hagar and his wife aren’t going to come in my house and take pictures but you can better believe that if I EVER prove that T-Bird has ANY part in this… oh Gawd, ya’ll will see me on the Weekly World News.

That’s the part that really, really sucks. Unless Jeff spills the beans on who it is, I’m stuck not knowing. I don’t doubt him because he sounded kinda messed up when he called and he knows WAY TOO MUCH about things I’ve never mentioned much less discussed with him.

Peeps, I leave other people alone. Yeah, I may try to irritate my neighbors but I don’t do it to hurt them. I mind my own business and I expect others to mind theirs. I don’t do things purposefully to hurt other people and now this fucked up individual has spilled the beans on all of them. I’d like to believe that he’s just blowing smoke and the person who professes to be my best friend in the world wouldn’t betray me like that. If she had a problem with something I’m doing that she would come to me with it. But deep down… I know he’s not blowing smoke. The jealousy and silence over il mio amore should have been a dead giveaway for me to watch my back.

And my friends… it was told to me long ago by a psychic that not only do I have a multitude of spirits around me but they will take care of me and mine. If any dirty work needs to be done, they will do it. I don’t have to ask. I don’t have to request. I don’t have to conjure or do spells or think special thoughts. They see my need and they act. The last time they stepped in Jeff was arrested, lost his job, was in and out of mental facilities, and addicted to drugs. It would certainly be a shame for shit like that to start happening to other people…

So much for my post about Viggo Mortensen. Guess it can wait. In the meantime, I’ll be cleaning as I had already planned to do, and writing as I had planned and working and taking care of Nate, just like I had planned, and my spirits, well, they’ll be taking care of the rest.

Just had a conversation with Nate’s dad or rather, he did a lot of talking and I did a lot of listening. It was a strange conversation but something I have sensed coming for a while. In a nutshell he told me that he had pictures of the inside of my house, taken by one of my “friends” and he would have my friends, the friends of my friends, my ex-babysitter, and a police officer from the city I live in to testify what a horrible mother I am and that he has been amassing evidence against me for the past two years to take Nate away from me.

But he didn’t want to do that.

But he would.

But he wasn’t going to.

In one breath he told me that he knew how much I had sacrificed for Nate and in the next breath…

How I didn’t do anything for Nate and how he deserved so much better than the 8 years that I’ve given him.

In one breath he told me that he didn’t give a shit about me and if I died tomorrow that he would make sure I got a proper burial but otherwise he didn’t give a damn whether I lived or died but in the next breath…

Told me how he still loved me and how I took a huge chunk out of his heart so many years ago.

Yet he said he didn’t give a damn what I did on weekends when Nate wasn’t with me. I could fly off to New Orleans or wherever and have my boyfriend stick his dick in my ass and I could lick his ass all I wanted

He said that Nate cried when I left for New Orleans and Houston (Nate denied that) because I was so selfish not to take him with me and if I could afford to go there and here and everywhere then I could afford to buy Nate a TV for his room and have cable, because its a disgrace not to have cable….

Yet then said he was sure he didn’t pay me enough money to help with expenses….

Yet I was getting my money and by God it wasn’t to be used to fly all over the country…

And all he did four years ago was bust Nate’s ass until he put bruises on it and that was okay and he was still a better person than me because I didn’t have the balls to call him and tell him that I was going to sue him for custody but he was bigger and better because he was calling me to tell me that although he had all the evidence to take Nate, and all these people to back him up, that he loved Nate too much to take him away from his Mama.

Then he tells me how smart I am and how that’s what my fucking problem is… I’m too damn smart and therefore incapable of leading a normal everyday life. My mind could see deep into matters that others never thought of and he akinned it to Aqualung, the local brilliant homeless guy. Too smart for my own damn good.

I’ll be the first to admit peeps, as I have before, that my house could use a good scrubbing and yes, I’m ashamed of it right now. Right now, the outside looks good… the inside looks like hell. And yes, I fully intend on doing something about it and not because of the 85 minutes I spent on the phone. I’ll do it for me and Nate, as I do all things.

I held steady on the phone but admittedly I cried when I hung up. I cried because I haven’t done better in the past and I cried, frankly, because I know someone close to me has betrayed my trust and confidence. That person is T-Bird. As I said, I’ve felt this coming on. I’ve felt the eyes upon me. Seems funny that my neighbors can have a jungle in their backyard yet I’m the one who gets called in to the city. Seems funny that my neighbors can have 10 cats running around their yard but one of mine does something wrong and the humane officer is sent out. Seems funny their garbage can pile up on their back deck until the back door isn’t visible but I leave a couple bags for longer than a week and I’m being called in on .

It didn’t take much to put two and two together… why? Because T-Bird is in big with the local PD and makes it a point, of course, to point that out every chance she gets. She’s also only one of two people besides myself who has had access to my house in the past year. I know Hagar and his wife aren’t going to come in my house and take pictures but you can better believe that if I EVER prove that T-Bird has ANY part in this… oh Gawd, ya’ll will see me on the Weekly World News.

That’s the part that really, really sucks. Unless Jeff spills the beans on who it is, I’m stuck not knowing. I don’t doubt him because he sounded kinda messed up when he called and he knows WAY TOO MUCH about things I’ve never mentioned much less discussed with him.

Peeps, I leave other people alone. Yeah, I may try to irritate my neighbors but I don’t do it to hurt them. I mind my own business and I expect others to mind theirs. I don’t do things purposefully to hurt other people and now this fucked up individual has spilled the beans on all of them. I’d like to believe that he’s just blowing smoke and the person who professes to be my best friend in the world wouldn’t betray me like that. If she had a problem with something I’m doing that she would come to me with it. But deep down… I know he’s not blowing smoke. The jealousy and silence over il mio amore should have been a dead giveaway for me to watch my back.

And my friends… it was told to me long ago by a psychic that not only do I have a multitude of spirits around me but they will take care of me and mine. If any dirty work needs to be done, they will do it. I don’t have to ask. I don’t have to request. I don’t have to conjure or do spells or think special thoughts. They see my need and they act. The last time they stepped in Jeff was arrested, lost his job, was in and out of mental facilities, and addicted to drugs. It would certainly be a shame for shit like that to start happening to other people…

So much for my post about Viggo Mortensen. Guess it can wait. In the meantime, I’ll be cleaning as I had already planned to do, and writing as I had planned and working and taking care of Nate, just like I had planned, and my spirits, well, they’ll be taking care of the rest.

I worked in my yard ALL WEEKEND. It was 90 both days but the humidity was low. Casa Moon now looks highly presentable. Except for the porch. I haven’t cleaned it off yet. I weed-eated around my fence, and even wielded my weedeater like a razor and shaved my fence line since the nabes (Hagar and Co.) have allowed the berry vines and honeysuckle (not to mention two trees!) to take over my half of the fence. Their backyard looks like a jungle. I wouldn’t go in there without a machete and that’s just for the flesh eating spiders as big as my hand that I’m sure are lurking there. Might even be a Gila Monster or an escapee from the local prison. One just never knows.

And then I weedeated part of the yard itself because parts of it were too high for my mower to pass over easily. Plus, I did a lot of that to piss off my other nabes. I kept the constant whine of the weedeater going so they couldn’t have a normal conversation and had to go in their house. She got me back today by blasting Christian music while she cleaned out her car whilst I was raking all of the ground clutter (dead leaves, limbs, vines, clippings etc.) from around the house and bagging it up.

Then I pulled out the lawnmower… point Nanner.

While raking some dead (uber-dead) leaves, Nate and I ran across a little fella that looks like this.

This is the Dysdera crocata, class - Arachnida, Order - Araneae, family - Dysderidae, genus - Dysdera, otherwise known as the European Garden Spider. I had never seen one before but cool to know that a spider in my yard is in the same Order as the one that bit Spiderman.

Wolf spiders, however, are very common.

Furry little shites.

The Dysdera was after these little suckers.

Which remind me of the pillbugs in “A Bug’s Life.”

“You fired! *clap* “Hey!”

If you don’t know what that means then watch the movie!

So, I have raked and weed eated and mowed until I’m sore all over. I can barely raise my arms which is a good thing because I stink. I have a red neck from wearing my hair up, the same hair which is stiff with dried sweat, dirt, and particles of grass and weeds. Since I have yet to comb the snarls out I may have one of those Dysderas in there… or a Gila Monster.

One just never knows.

I worked in my yard ALL WEEKEND. It was 90 both days but the humidity was low. Casa Moon now looks highly presentable. Except for the porch. I haven’t cleaned it off yet. I weed-eated around my fence, and even wielded my weedeater like a razor and shaved my fence line since the nabes (Hagar and Co.) have allowed the berry vines and honeysuckle (not to mention two trees!) to take over my half of the fence. Their backyard looks like a jungle. I wouldn’t go in there without a machete and that’s just for the flesh eating spiders as big as my hand that I’m sure are lurking there. Might even be a Gila Monster or an escapee from the local prison. One just never knows.

And then I weedeated part of the yard itself because parts of it were too high for my mower to pass over easily. Plus, I did a lot of that to piss off my other nabes. I kept the constant whine of the weedeater going so they couldn’t have a normal conversation and had to go in their house. She got me back today by blasting Christian music while she cleaned out her car whilst I was raking all of the ground clutter (dead leaves, limbs, vines, clippings etc.) from around the house and bagging it up.

Then I pulled out the lawnmower… point Nanner.

While raking some dead (uber-dead) leaves, Nate and I ran across a little fella that looks like this.

This is the Dysdera crocata, class - Arachnida, Order - Araneae, family - Dysderidae, genus - Dysdera, otherwise known as the European Garden Spider. I had never seen one before but cool to know that a spider in my yard is in the same Order as the one that bit Spiderman.

Wolf spiders, however, are very common.

Furry little shites.

The Dysdera was after these little suckers.

Which remind me of the pillbugs in “A Bug’s Life.”

“You fired! *clap* “Hey!”

If you don’t know what that means then watch the movie!

So, I have raked and weed eated and mowed until I’m sore all over. I can barely raise my arms which is a good thing because I stink. I have a red neck from wearing my hair up, the same hair which is stiff with dried sweat, dirt, and particles of grass and weeds. Since I have yet to comb the snarls out I may have one of those Dysderas in there… or a Gila Monster.

One just never knows.

Finally, I have come up with a new idea for an erotica novella. In March or so of 2003, I wrote “Rainy Day,” which I have published a couple chapters of on my NaNoWriMo blog, and submitted it to a publishing house. I got a standard form letter back but at the bottom the editor had written a note telling me they liked my writing but the subject matter was too serious and encouraged me to submit again.

Two years later, I’m still getting there. I immediately started writing another novella but it seemed forced. I then started a re-write of “Higher House,” a fantasy/medieval novella I had written in the Spring of 2002. That didn’t quite seem right either and I’m too ADD to go back and re-write. It’s the same principal as my beading… its so hard to do the same thing twice!! And I made a mistake when I was telling someone about it, its almost 33,000 words, not 60,000. I wrote it though in 11 days. That’s probably why it sucks. The story is awesome and I love it. I can tell you point by point exactly what needs fixed, and what needs scrapped, and what needs added. Its on the list. I will rewrite it simply because I love that damn story.

I’m not sure how I came by the storyline for “Nightmare.” It should have been as easy as falling off of a log and I should have thought of it a long time ago. I’m really excited about it and as soon as I finish this post I’m going to start on it. Julie was right. This is what doldrums are for. I’ll keep you informed as to my progress. This sooooo rocks!!! This post is done now, think of me typing away this weekend. Send me good thoughts about elves. I know that won’t be hard for Leese!! Have a great one and Happy Friday!!

Finally, I have come up with a new idea for an erotica novella. In March or so of 2003, I wrote “Rainy Day,” which I have published a couple chapters of on my NaNoWriMo blog, and submitted it to a publishing house. I got a standard form letter back but at the bottom the editor had written a note telling me they liked my writing but the subject matter was too serious and encouraged me to submit again.

Two years later, I’m still getting there. I immediately started writing another novella but it seemed forced. I then started a re-write of “Higher House,” a fantasy/medieval novella I had written in the Spring of 2002. That didn’t quite seem right either and I’m too ADD to go back and re-write. It’s the same principal as my beading… its so hard to do the same thing twice!! And I made a mistake when I was telling someone about it, its almost 33,000 words, not 60,000. I wrote it though in 11 days. That’s probably why it sucks. The story is awesome and I love it. I can tell you point by point exactly what needs fixed, and what needs scrapped, and what needs added. Its on the list. I will rewrite it simply because I love that damn story.

I’m not sure how I came by the storyline for “Nightmare.” It should have been as easy as falling off of a log and I should have thought of it a long time ago. I’m really excited about it and as soon as I finish this post I’m going to start on it. Julie was right. This is what doldrums are for. I’ll keep you informed as to my progress. This sooooo rocks!!! This post is done now, think of me typing away this weekend. Send me good thoughts about elves. I know that won’t be hard for Leese!! Have a great one and Happy Friday!!