Future Serial Killer of the World
Have I bred one?? Seems that some stupid peeps in my circle of life believe I have. From this website I obtained the common characteristics of serial killers which I will list here and then whether my son fits such characteristics.
1. Over 90% of them are white. Yep.
2. They tend to be intelligent with IQs in the “bright normal” range. Yep.
3. In spite of their high IQs they do poorly in school…. Yep, but getting better.
4. They tend to come from markedly unstable families. Typically, they are abandoned as children by their fathers and raised by domineering mothers. Ummm… I wouldn’t say we’re unstable, unstructured perhaps. I’m not domineering, if anything, I’m too easy-going. Relationship with dad is still evolving.
5. Their families often have criminal, psychiatric and alcoholic histories. Afraid so, especially on his dad’s side.
6. They hate their fathers. They hate their mothers. Nope, not at all.
7. They are commonly abused as children - psychologically, physically and sexually. His dad did abuse him physically and psychologically but that is a thing of the past and he’s had counseling.
8. Many of them end up spending time in institutions as children and have records of early psychiatric problems. No institutions but does have marked anxiety, especially separation anxiety but has mainly resolved.
9. They have a high rate of suicide attempts. I hope this never happens.
10. They are intensely interested from an early age in voyeurism, fetishism, and sadomasochistic pornography. Yikes!! Hell no.
In addition to the above list, there are also three more characteristics.
1. Enuresis (bed wetting) - more than 60 % of serial killers were still wetting their beds over the age of twelve. No, once the medication for his seizures kicked in, the bed-wetting stopped. Plus, he’s only 8.
2. Fire starting - children like to play with matches because they are intrigued by the bright, colorful flickering light. But budding serial killers carry this interest to a frightening extreme. (In other words, they enjoy torching things to a smoldering pile of rubble.) Nate is fascinated with lighting matches, watching the grill burn and lighting candles. He has never set anything on fire though.
3. Sadistic activity - before they are big enough to inflict harm on other human beings, future serial killers get their kicks from tormenting small creatures (animal torture.) No way, no how. This is the kid who bawled for two days when his cat died and came home crying because TLC was mean to his cat.
So, what does this all mean? And why in the hell would I post this? Do I really believe my son has the capabilities of being a serial killer? Um, NO!
See, this “good Christian lady” who lives next door and has three girls, oh, and she’s Nate’s babysitter, thinks his fascination with fire is “unnatural.” Ummm… look lady, I’m 33 and I’m still fascinated by fire. Yes, Nate, if given the opportunity, will sit and light matches and blow them out, one after the other, until the book is gone. He’s not setting your house on fire so… shut up. Yes, on his art project he did make a beautiful flower vase with colorful blooms shooting out of the top of it. He just also happened to draw a picture on the inside of the vase of a good guy stabbing a bad guy and blood spurting everywhere. Is this really such a cause for concern?
I mean, its not like he was stabbing a cat or another kid, it was good guy, bad guy. And yes, I did catch him and TLC trying to fashion a spear from an old broomstick, a rather large knife and duct tape, you know, just like the Indians had or, in this case, the Neanderthals on “Ice Age.” I think it showed quite a bit of ingenuity, a potentially dangerous ingenuity, but ingenuity nonetheless. (Matter of fact, I’ve interrupted this particular exercise with various implements on more than one occasion) Is this any different than them removing the lines, hooks and reels from my old fishing poles and using them as swords? Is it any different from them raiding my bathroom and concocting their equivelant of Polyjuice Potion on the porch?
What irritates me about my neighbor, this is not TLC’s mom, is that one childish thing, one mistake, one wrong word and the devil has come to WV. Bullshit. If she’s the one standing there telling me she’s had to fight the school system to keep her 12 year-old daughter in school because she’s threatened, on more than one occasion, to thump another girl then what the fuck is she yakking to me about? Other than her I-was-raised-in-hell-and-I’m-not-taking-any-shit- whether-I’m-a-Christian-or-not-Betty-Badass-the-buck-stops-here-suspicious-untrusting-hard-line-attitude, I’d really, really like her.
For the most part, she is really good for Nate. She’s strict and tough about doing homework immediately after coming home from school, which is one of the reasons why I asked her to watch him. I can’t wait until her two younger daughters become teenagers. I feel as though she’ll be changing her tune real quick about what is “good” and what is “bad” and what is “normal” in kids. Her oldest is a sweet but take-no-shit kid. The two younger are already showing signs of acute rebellion and smart mouths and one of them is only two.
I think Nate is a normal average kid who is learning has he goes, who is bright, creative and prone to making poor judgement calls, but is learning. That is what life is…. learning. I don’t dictate to him how to play or how to be creative, I just ask that he stay away from the dangerous stuff, like fire and knives. If the worst thing he ever does is paint a picture of the good guy stabbing the bad guy or watching a match burn, I will count myself lucky. And kids… just don’t mix the dishwashing detergent with the vinegar and baking soda, m’kay?